What to Bring?

By Billa

I listened to a podcast this week on the NPR radio show All of It. The topic was what to bring to holiday gatherings.The host of the show, Tiffany Hansen, was speaking with Casey Elsass, the author of the cookbook What Can I Bring?: Recipes to Help You Live Your Guest Life. 

I thought I'd share my thoughts on the podcast.

The first point that was made was never to bring something that needs assembly. For example, bringing flowers that need a vase. Or bringing a dish that requires finishing in the oven at a certain temperature, or needs burner space to re-heat or refrigerator space to keep cool.

In my opinion, that’s a little extreme. If a hostess asks you to make dessert, she should be able to accommodate it in the fridge. Likewise, if you’re asked to bring something that will need heating up, as long as you clear it in advance with the host, I don’t think it’s a problem. You’re pretty limited if all you can bring is something to be served at room temperature.

We once entertained a bachelor for dinner who showed up with a lovely bouquet of flowers. So what if there was no vase? He wanted to show that he was happy to be invited and I was happy to take a couple of minutes and tend to the flowers. 

I do agree that when the guest is contributing to the dinner, it is reasonable to expect that the guest bring whatever the dish requires in the way of utensils, platter, etc., so the host does not have to stop everything to look for proper serving items.

Regarding flowers, after saying not to bring them without a vase, the author contradicted herself and said, if the guests bring flowers, just hand them a mug and scissors. Can you imagine gladioli cut down so they fit in a mug?

At this point, a caller to the show wondered what to do about guests who call at the last minute, after the menu is all set, and ask what they can bring. The author responded that ice and alcohol are always going to be welcome. 

Ice??? I don’t think that’s something that I’ve ever needed someone to bring. A nice bottle of wine, maybe. 

Another caller said that, as a guest, she likes to bring gift certificates for a mani-pedi or a good neighborhood store. The podcaster thought that was a fantastic idea. The author added that a foot massage gift certificate would be even better. I’m not so sure. I, for one, do not want a gift certificate for a mani-pedi or a foot massage. There is some very old advice - try to match what you know about the person to the gift you select.

The next caller said he brings a 5 or 10-lb. bag of potatoes, peeled, and roasted in the oven and placed in a paper bag. The podcaster thought that was an awesome idea and that “you can’t go wrong with potatoes.” Really? There’s so many ways to go wrong with potatoes! Suppose someone is on a keto diet, or there’s already a starch on the menu, or potatoes don’t fit with the rest of the menu, or they’ve cooled down to room temperature and don’t taste that great?

At this point, a person texted about bringing toilet paper as a gift that never goes to waste. I thought the person was pulling their leg. But the podcaster said: “I think that's brilliant,” and the author said, “It’s cute. I really like that.”

After that, the author volunteered that her idea of a nice gift is to take an orange and stick cloves all over it. Then tie a ribbon to it to hang in an entryway as an aromatic. Does anyone really want a clove-studded orange hanging in their doorway? I don’t. 

Next, a woman called and said she brings food gifts in either disposable containers or pretty dishes for the hostess to keep as part of the gift. The podcaster said she frequents thrift shops and buys pretty dishes for that purpose. I have done that but only with newly purchased dishes. I think it’s considerate of a guest to think ahead and not have the hostess be responsible for cleaning the guest's dish at the end of the evening.

In response to a caller’s question about giving guests leftovers to take home, the author said she always tells people to come to her dinner party with Tupperware so they can take stuff home. I can’t see doing that. Seems presumptuous of a guest. Suppose there are no leftovers, or none that you’d want? It would seem awkward to go home with empty containers.

The author added that she keeps gallon-sized plastic zip bags for that purpose. That’s actually my go to solution, although not everything can go in a plastic bag.

The final caller said she asked a guest to bring bread to a dinner party and he showed up with Wonder bread. So, they discussed telling the guests that the bread will be used for French toast in the morning, rather than at dinner. Sometimes guests will disappoint in terms of how they interpret a request and it’s best just to think of their feelings and make the best of it.

To summarize, although there were a couple of bits of good advice in the podcast, mostly it was nonsensical.

So, what do the Three Fare Ladies do when going to each other’s dinner parties (holidays or otherwise)? Sometimes we assign dishes that conform to the theme. For example, for my recent Pair of Pears dinner (https:manage.wix.comdashboard/51b7df7d-41df-4eac-8a08-4d274fe699eb/blog/aec8693e-c630-4570-9f80-d097a58b1ac4/edit), I asked Michele to bring an appetizer with pears and I asked Luci to bring a salad with pear and avocado. Of course, both came up with wonderful creations.

Other times, when the one hosting does not want help with the menu, we agreed to bring each other interesting food gifts. These might be related to the theme but are not meant to be consumed at that dinner. Over the years, I’d gotten many such food gifts. Among them a collection of sea salts, forbidden black rice, and Greek oregano. All were splendid and often presented me with the opportunity to enjoy something I wouldn’t otherwise have had. 

Finally, one of the "Fare Ladies," Luci, shared the following after hearing about the podcast:

I am hosting a holiday lunch for a group of women who lunch together once a month. We've always been plagued by finding it difficult to think of what to bring for our traditional grab bag. I sent this note to the group:

"You will wonder about what to bring: Hostess Gift (But doesn’t she have just about everything? (Yes!), Presents? (Grab bag, something little for everyone?) What a dilemma!!

How about this for a humanitarian solution? Everybody (me, too) brings two envelopes. One envelope contains a $20 bill; the other gives your favorite charity. The $20 envelopes go into a small pile; the charity envelopes go into a grab bag. I pick one from the grab bag and that charity receives all the $20 bills."

If you’d like to listen to the podcast, you can access it here:

https://www.wnyc.org/story/its-holiday-party-season-what-should-you-bring